Archive for the Philadelphia Phillies Category

While You’re Down There…

Posted in Florida Marlins, Philadelphia Phillies, Phuck the Phillies, Recaps on August 8, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Marlins Phillies Baseball

If this isn’t a metaphor for what the Marlins have done to the Phillies so far this weekend, then really, I don’t know what is.

Friday: Marlins 3 Phillies 2
Saturday: Marlins 6 Phillies 4

No, Really, You Can Come Down From The Ledge Now…

Posted in Florida Marlins, Nats Fans Like It In The Ass, Philadelphia Phillies, Recaps, Washington Nationals on August 7, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Marlins Nationals Baseball

Well, shit, I don’t think any of us saw that one coming.

Not that it’s that big a deal.

Some folks would have you believe that this is some major catastrophe for the Marlins playoff hopes, but is it really? They got swept by a shitty team, but everyone seems to forget that they also managed to take two out of three from two first-place teams the week before, when nobody in South Florida thought they even stood a chance.

Assuming that the results of a baseball game worked out in the most logical of manners, with the better team typically notching the W, the Marlins would’ve gone 2-4 against the Dodgers and Cubs, and something like 2-1 against the Nationals. Instead, back in quirky, reality baseball, where everything is completely random and unpredictable, they went 4-2 against two really good teams and 0-3 against a crappy one. Baseball is like that sometimes.

So, instead of potentially going 4-5, they actually went… umm… 4-5.

Now, cool your fucking jets, people.

Next up for the Marlins is what any team mired in a slump would add to their wish list: a weekend series with the defending World Champions. A team whose cock-gobbling fans have actually earned the right to talk shit. Unlike these cock-gobbling fans

Jorge Cantu Singles In The Fifth! (That’s All For The Good News)

Posted in Florida Marlins, Jamie Moyer Is My Grandpa, Philadelphia Phillies, Recaps on July 17, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Phillies Marlins Baseball

If someone would politely tap the Marlins on the shoulder and remind them that the break is over, it’d be greatly appreciated.

Apparently, the only person who remembered to come back from the All Star break was Jorge Cantu, who managed the only Marlins hit in the team’s  4-0 loss to the Phillies Thursday night.

This probably wasn’t what the Marlins had in mind for the start of the second half of the season. The Phillies would be the one team the Fish aren’t allowed to lose to if they want to make the playoffs. But, then again, it is Jamie Moyer, and it’s not like they’ve ever figured him out.

This Is The Face Of A Marked Man

Posted in Florida Marlins, Matt Lindstrom, Philadelphia Phillies on April 24, 2009 by Adam Smoot


This is Matt Lindstrom.

This is the boxscore from tonight’s game.

Have at it, folks. I’m going out drinking. I suggest you do the same.

Maybe Matt should, too.

Phillies Know How To Party

Posted in Philadelphia Phillies, Phuck the Phillies on April 23, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Ugh. That picture makes us wanna punch something. Can’t those guys even win the World Series without looking gay? Christ.

The Phillies are back in town for the first time as World Series Champions, and they’re looking to get their asses handed to them. Well, they’re probably not looking for that, but it’s bound to happen anyway.

Here at Bright Orange Seats, we’re not above trash talking. Especially when it comes to the Phillies. There’s just something about them that rubs us the wrong way. Ryan Howard looks like an oversized baby, Charlie Manuel reminds us of our little league coach and honestly, we always kinda hated Mike Schmidt. (Yea, you read that right. Mike Schmidt can blow a goat.) So, yea… fuck the Phillies.

Of course, the Phillies PR staff seems to like us for some reason (the fuck if we understand it), so they’ve invited us out to party with them after Friday night’s game. One would think that they’d be going to sleep early, seeing as how they have another game the next night, but whatever. Apparently a World Series party on South Beach isn’t something you just put on the shelf because you need some rest.

So umm, come join us and the Phillies at their Black & White Blue Party this weekend, to celebrate a World Series or something. Flyer with all the info, below:

click image to enlarge

Man, this shit never gets old.

Don’t Be Afraid To Score A Run Or Two

Posted in Florida Marlins, Philadelphia Phillies, Recaps with tags , , , on August 8, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Listen, we don’t claim to know everything there is to know about baseball, but over the course of the last 3 games, we’ve picked up on a little inside information. Shh. Don’t tell anyone we told you this, but uh… well… how do we put this?

If you don’t score runs, there’s a good chance you won’t win.

The Marlins and Phillies put that theory to the test this week, as the losing team in each game scored a total of — you guessed it — 0 runs. (Cry all you want. We’re not counting that foul ball, Shane.)

Amazingly enough, the team that failed to score in each of those games, also happened to be the team that went home the loser of said games. Astonishing.

On Tuesday, the Phillies offense got nothing accomplished. Then, Wednesday night, it was the Marlins turn to play the battered wife. Whose turn would it be on Thursday? We’ll spin the wheel to see where it lands and here it goes…






Ohhhh! And the wheel lands on Philadelphia. Tell them what they’ve won!

Congratulations, Charlie Manuel. You’re the proud owner of a 3-0 loss, and an offense that seemed to go to bat with toothpicks today. But just for playing the game, we’ll send you home with this lovely game and a half lead in the division.

(Ok, we’ll try and be normal again. Promise.)

AP Photo/Justin Maxon

Well That Went Swimmingly…

Posted in Florida Marlins, Philadelphia Phillies, Recaps with tags , , on August 7, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Payback, as they say, is a bitch.

AP Photo/Tom Mihalek