Archive for the Hanley Ramirez Category

This Blog Brought To You By NyQuil

Posted in Blogs Worse Than This One, Hanley Ramirez on August 9, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Athlete’s blogs are boring and, for the most part, pretty awful. There are a few exceptions–or so I’m told, even though I haven’t managed to find any of them–but the vast majority read like press conference talking points; nothing off-color, funny or even remotely interesting. Which is why the Hanley Ramirez blog is a breath of fresh air. Hanley goes out of his way to talk smack and post photos of half-naked players in the locker room… Okay, really, who am I kidding? Here’s the latest post from Hanley, which was most likely written by someone who isn’t Hanley:

Like I’ve said for a while, when we play as a team, we do a lot better. This is not tennis. Not one individual. We are playing together as a team. That’s when you win, when everybody isĀ chipping in. I am happy to see that we are playing better defensively. Fredi and all the staff, they’ve been working with us. They’ve been working hard with us, and we are going to stay focused on it. We went into Spring Training wanting to get better on defense, and we’re getting better and better. People ask what I’m doing better on defense. I’m using my feet better. It’s about positioning. We’ve been working, and we’re going to keep working at it.

So, there you have it. If you didn’t fall asleep halfway through it, here’s the Cliffs notes version: Breaking news! The Florida Marlins have been working on getting better.

Stay tuned for his next post, where Hanley discusses the importance of scoring more runs that the opposition.

90 Games Later: Hanley Ramirez

Posted in 90 Games Later..., baseball, Florida Marlins, Hanley Ramirez on July 9, 2009 by Adam Smoot


When the season started, there were certain players we had high hopes for and certain players we had our doubts about. Since we’re at the All Star Break, we thought we’d take a little time to look at some key players and how they met, failed to meet or exceeded our lofty expectations. Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments, so the trusty elves who monitor our comments section will be sure to kick your lame ass out for disagreeing. Now let us begin this process, shall we?

Hanley Ramirez

Before the season: Before the season started and Hanley was bitching about his hair, I wasn’t all that concerned. Hell, I agreed with him. If the best player on your roster wants to grow a mullet and wear a pink mini-skirt while’s he at the plate, dammit, you let him.

Clearly, Hanley Ramirez is a unique talent, and if you really thought there’d be a problem with the shortstop position on this team, you might very well be clinically insane. This is the one player on the Marlins that absolutely nobody had a question about.

@ the All Star Break: .346 AVG, .409 OBP, .574 SLG, .983 OPS and tied for the league lead in home runs and RBIs. The only people more valuable to their team are Albert Pujols and the guy distributing the drugs to fans in Washington to keep them from comitting suicide. Again, this season, Hanley will be gracing the starting lineup for the National League’s All Star team, only this time he won’t have to be embarrassed by a second baseman with a frying pan for a glove.

This year, the question with Ramirez was never if he’d be good… but exactly how good he’d be.

(Ed. Note: Hanley is tied for the league lead in HRs and RBIs amongst shortstops. I’m sick. I can barely keep my eyes open. If you expect me to type in complete thoughts around here this week, you’re nuts.)

Your 2009 Florida Marlins All Stars

Posted in El Cool JJ, Hanley Ramirez, MLB All Star Game on July 6, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Bright Orange Seats would like to thank the fans, players and coaches who voted these two fine gentlemen into this years All Star Game. You know, instead of choosing jackasses in bigger markets just because they’ve heard more about them on SportsCenter.

Congratulations, Hanley and JJ. Now let’s not go out there and pull an Uggla this year.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa… Don’t Go Bringin’ Yer Fancy Shmancy Stats Into This Here Discussion

Posted in Hanley Ramirez, MLB All Star Game, MLB Has Fans Who Can't Read Good on June 9, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Seriously didn’t think I’d have to go through this again, but here we are–early June–and you fucking voters just can’t get this shit right.

Last year, the average baseball fan couldn’t figure out that Dan Uggla, while leading the league in homers, should even be in the All Star Game. They were more awestuck by the sheer awesomeness of Kaz Matsui. This year, it’s Jimmy Rollins who has baseball fans smitten. Fuck!

Okay, listen. I’m only gonna go through this one time. The dude is batting a paltry .222, gets on base at a craptastic .261 clip, slugs a whopping .322 and yet, somehow, leads Hanley Ramirez by over 64,000 votes. That’s 64,000 people who have no idea what the hell they’re watching when they go to a baseball game. That’s 64,000 people who shouldn’t be allowed to fucking breed.

If you wanna do the side-by-side comparison of the numbers, the links you need are here and here. But I’ll warn you, it isn’t even close and you might find yourself looking for a midget to punch.

It’s Time for the Wet T-Shirt Contest!

Posted in Andrew Miller, Contests, Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, Jorge Cantu, Marlins Die-Hards, Ricky Nolasco, Tommy Hutton, Trades on May 18, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Ok, maybe it’s not that kind of contest…

So, the fine folks over at Marlins Die-Hards have put together a contest. From what I understand, the winner gets beer, which was more than enough motivation for Bright Orange Seats to enter. The contest rules, as described on their site:

  • Each competitor will pick five Marlins (all players in organization are eligible, including minor-leaguers) who they feel will be traded before the July 31st deadline.
  • The competitor will rank those five players, one to five, in order of most likely to least likely to get traded.
  • Points will be awarded based on where the player is in each competitor’s list. Number one selections will get five points, number twos get four and so on down to number five selections receiving one point.
  • Whoever has the most points wins.

Sounds easy enough. Here are the Bright Orange Seats selections, along with a logical explanation for each…

1. Hanley Ramirez. What Marlins fans lack in loyalty and a willingness to sit in the rain, we more than make up for in absolute pessimism & distrust. Hanley just signed a long term deal last year, the team has, just recently, found a home for the future and everything in the baseball world seems to be coming together for once in South Florida. This can only mean one thing: something bad is about to happen. So, yea. Parents, take your kids to see the best shortstop in the game, before he’s traded to the Yankees.

2a/2b. Dan Uggla/Ricky Nolasco. Rumor has it the Marlins are going to trade Uggla and Nolasco to Christopher Lloyd, for the DeLorean and 3 flux capacitors, which they will then use to bring back the 2008 versions of Uggla and Nolasco.

3. Tommy Hutton. A three-way trade with the Panthers and Dolphins that’ll see Hutton pair with Jimmy Cefalo for Dolphins games, Joe Rose head to the BankAtlantic Center for Panthers broadcasts and Randy Moller come to the Marlins booth to shout random movie lines over Craig Minervini’s incesant babbling.

4. Jorge Cantu. The dude is on his second year swinging a hot stick and he’s got the best soul patch in the game. Also, someone recently purchased one of my Cannot? Cantu shirts, and I’m convinced it was Billy Beane.

5. Andrew Miller. Someone has to have some faith left in this man. The bad news is that none of those people are in baseball. The good news is that there’s a chance we can trade him to the NBA for the decaying corpse of Antoine Walker.

Those are my picks. I’ll take my payment in the form of a 4-pack of Steele Reserve.

It’s Opening Day. You Know What That Means?

Posted in Adventures in Nut-Grabbing, Florida Marlins, Hanley Ramirez, Nut on April 6, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Let the crotch-grabbing commence!

This photo was taken at the Marlins final practice on Sunday, which was open to the public. (I just said it was open to the public. I didn’t say it was a PG practice.)

Clearly Hanley is already in mid-season form.

The Fish take on the Nats today. Bright Orange Seats took on the gnats at the stadium yesterday. Hopefully, they fare better than we did.