Archive for the Blow A Goat Category

When Good Fans Go Bad: Washington Natinals Edition

Posted in Blow A Goat, Florida Marlins, Washington Nationals on August 6, 2009 by Adam Smoot


As with everything in life, there’s a lesson to be learned from these last three games against the Nationals. Its a simple lesson, really, that has nothing to do with karma or speaking too soon. Simply put, it is this:


If your favorite team is knee-deep in suck, gets a little lucky, wins a few, but is still a handful of games behind that autistic softball team that Kansas City throws out there every night, then you should probably just shut the fuck up.


Over the last few days, it seems that some Nationals fans have found this little slice of heaven that I call home. At first, it was cute; like your five-year-old brother kicking you in the shin for stealing his toys. You know you can beat his ass, but it’s so adorable that deep down inside that tiny little frame of his, he really believes he can take you. Unfortunately, there’s an imaginary line that separates cute from obnoxious, and every so often, your little brother crosses it, leaving you no choice but to put him in his place. So, here goes…


To the Nats fans with their newfound, terribly misguided, sense of pride, I say this.


Your team is still fucking horrible. This isn’t a whole new team, as you like to claim. It’s the same fucking garbage your shitty ass franchise trots out every fucking year. In the five seasons that Major League Baseball has inexplicably opted to not contract you, you’ve never had a winning record and finished better than last in the NL East just once. And even that season left you 16 games back of the division lead.


Last year, your squad managed to put together an unspeakably bad 59-win season that left them 25 games behind the third place Marlins and 32 1/2 behind the first place Phillies. How the fuck can one team suck so horribly that they finish over 32 games back? Six midgets, two paraplegics and a mythical unicorn could put together a more productive season than that.


Your team hadn’t won a single game against the Marlins this season until Tuesday night And even now, after all your meaningless trash talk and chest-thumbing, your clusterfuck of a franchise is 3-9 against the Fish in 2009. You can’t talk shit when you’re winning less than 30% of the time. You just can’t.


If there’s any decency in the world, Major League Baseball will wait until the season ends, disband your horseshit team, tear down Nationals Park and destroy any known evidence that baseball ever existed in Washington, post 1971.


You guys are a fucking joke. Humble pie? Why don’t you eat big box of humble dick?


See you guys in September. And don’t worry, we know where to find you…


Dead. Fucking. Last.