Quote of the Week: Angry Commenter Edition

There really is nothing more satisfying than pissing off an entire city. I didn’t know I had that power, but clearly, I was wrong. This past week, I managed to irritate the entire fanbase of a certain shitty franchise to the point that all 37 of them decided to let me have it in the comments section. Of course, when you give angry sports fans a keyboard and an open forum, hilarity will ensue. Witness:

OK, so the Nats beat the fins off ya. It happens. The Yankees waited out a FIVE HOUR rain-delay for it to happen to them. Go ahead and live your pennant-chasing life. We’ll just enjoy not losing.

You enjoy not losing. But judging from the standings, you’re gonna have to sit through a whole bunch of not winning, as well.

Fish fan. How about “hey, you guys did a number on us but we’re still a better team”? You present yourself as a profane loser. How seriously would you take someone that wrote as bad as you?

Poorly, sir. Wrote as poorly as me.

Wow, talk about a sore loser. And, you know, I was taught that when your only recourse is insult and ad hominem attack, that’s a pretty strong indicator you don’t believe you can win a debate based on the facts.

Facts: There is no debate. If your boys were to run off 15 wins in a row, they’d still be 4th in the division. After sweeping the Marlins, the Nationals still suck. They just suck a little less.

Finished not-last only once–don’t we know it!
Hey, remind me, who *did* finish last that year?

That argument will probably do you more harm than good. It’s like telling a girl, “Remember that one time I didn’t cum too soon?”

“Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.” Mt 15:11

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’ve hit the Bible. No really, I swear, it gets better.

Oh, and I guess I should include the obligatory “Get Well Soon, Nick” with this.

And take good care of Bonifacio, too. Josh Willingham says hello, and thanks.

Alright, now we’ve reached the city limits of Crazytown.

Let’s close this bad boy out with a series of comments that all share a common theme…

-We KNOW we suck, that’s why it’s so funny the Fish couldn’t beat us notwithstanding your “gift from the gods” proclamations.

-We Nats fans know our team is bad. In fact, we’ve joked on our own fanblogs that the Lerner family doesn’t own the Nats, because the Marlins own the Nats. We can laugh about it because we know we won’t even sniff 4th place this year.

-Also, if you think that Nationals fans don’t know their team sucks, you’re an idiot. Everyone knows the Nationals suck. You just wrote this because for three days, let’s face it: the Marlins sucked harder.

-I have to say reading your whining post had to be one of the funniest things I’ve read today. The Nats might be the worst team in baseball, but you’ve got to be the biggest LOSER out there.

There really is nothing more amusing than someone having to preface their anger with an “I know we suck, but…”

Yikes. These are my readers…?


4 Responses to “Quote of the Week: Angry Commenter Edition”

  1. Dreaming again, Adam?

    You haven’t pissed anyone off since your venomous first post (you know, the one where you wrote “Any team can beat any other team… that’s just horseshit,” a position you’ve since flip-flopped on). All of your posts since have been delightfully entertaining, as you scrambled to make excuses for your hubris – not to mention your team’s sorry-@$$ performance against a Nats team that, as of today, holds the longest active winning streak in the majors, has more wins since July 21 than any other NL team, and is playing better than .500 since changing managers. (This is what’s known as “sustained performance.”)

    The funniest post, of course, was the one where you cried, “If there’s any decency in the world, Major League Baseball will wait until the season ends, disband your horseshit team (and) tear down Nationals Park….” Too funny, to expect MLB to contract a team that outdraws yours every fricking day. “Land Suck” Stadium will become a brothel (the word means “house of prostitution”) before that happens, bro.

    Congrats to Nolasco on outpitching the Phillies last night. But then… any team can beat any other team on any given day, right? Even three days in a row. Suck on it and like it.

  2. Keep pissing off commenters, and you too can be the next AJ Daulerio!

  3. Section 220 Says:

    Yes, Adam. These are your readers. Your ONLY readers. The only people who can be bothered to take time out of their days to read your rantings are Nats fans, because you pissed us off. When we get bored with you (and that day is coming soon, because you clearly have nothing interesting to say – even your half-baked Fire Joe Morgan impression commenting on our comments was humorless), you will be back to having no readers and getting two comments on your posts. It’s hysterical that you complain about “all 37 of us,” because that’s more feedback than you’ve ever gotten. So, you can pretend to gripe about us, but we all know you love the attention.

  4. Oh, your blog is supposed to be humorous; thus, we aren’t supposed to take it seriously? Could’ve fooled me.

    This is one of the most unfunny pieces of crap I’ve ever stumbled upon.

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