When Good Fans Go Bad: Washington Natinals Edition


As with everything in life, there’s a lesson to be learned from these last three games against the Nationals. Its a simple lesson, really, that has nothing to do with karma or speaking too soon. Simply put, it is this:


If your favorite team is knee-deep in suck, gets a little lucky, wins a few, but is still a handful of games behind that autistic softball team that Kansas City throws out there every night, then you should probably just shut the fuck up.


Over the last few days, it seems that some Nationals fans have found this little slice of heaven that I call home. At first, it was cute; like your five-year-old brother kicking you in the shin for stealing his toys. You know you can beat his ass, but it’s so adorable that deep down inside that tiny little frame of his, he really believes he can take you. Unfortunately, there’s an imaginary line that separates cute from obnoxious, and every so often, your little brother crosses it, leaving you no choice but to put him in his place. So, here goes…


To the Nats fans with their newfound, terribly misguided, sense of pride, I say this.


Your team is still fucking horrible. This isn’t a whole new team, as you like to claim. It’s the same fucking garbage your shitty ass franchise trots out every fucking year. In the five seasons that Major League Baseball has inexplicably opted to not contract you, you’ve never had a winning record and finished better than last in the NL East just once. And even that season left you 16 games back of the division lead.


Last year, your squad managed to put together an unspeakably bad 59-win season that left them 25 games behind the third place Marlins and 32 1/2 behind the first place Phillies. How the fuck can one team suck so horribly that they finish over 32 games back? Six midgets, two paraplegics and a mythical unicorn could put together a more productive season than that.


Your team hadn’t won a single game against the Marlins this season until Tuesday night And even now, after all your meaningless trash talk and chest-thumbing, your clusterfuck of a franchise is 3-9 against the Fish in 2009. You can’t talk shit when you’re winning less than 30% of the time. You just can’t.


If there’s any decency in the world, Major League Baseball will wait until the season ends, disband your horseshit team, tear down Nationals Park and destroy any known evidence that baseball ever existed in Washington, post 1971.


You guys are a fucking joke. Humble pie? Why don’t you eat big box of humble dick?


See you guys in September. And don’t worry, we know where to find you…


Dead. Fucking. Last.


45 Responses to “When Good Fans Go Bad: Washington Natinals Edition”

  1. Positively Half St. Says:

    It was I. I put the link to the puffed up post of 3 days ago on the Washington Post Nats blog. Keep the obscene insults coming as much as you want. We kicked your butts, and now you are 7 games out.

    Yes, fine, your team is better this year. Just hold back on the hubris, you arrogant ^%$#*&^, especially when you want to talk about gifts from the “baseball gods”. You got exactly what you deserved for that.

    PS- Enjoy Nick Johnson. He really is great, and I wish him well.

  2. David S. Says:

    wow, that upset just because the Nats are having fun playing spoiler? we’ve been underperforming all year and have finally started playing to potential so of course we’re happy, enjoy your slide (and it won’t be Nick Johnson’s fault) i think the Marlins have peaked, but maybe this is the kick in the butt that your team needed to reinvigorate a playoff push, there’s no denying that overall your marlins are a better squad, good luck the rest of year

  3. Suck on deez Nats beyatch!

  4. Fish fan. How about “hey, you guys did a number on us but we’re still a better team”? You present yourself as a profane loser. How seriously would you take someone that wrote as bad as you?

  5. Nats Park First Base Side Says:

    Wow, talk about a sore loser. And, you know, I was taught that when your only recourse is insult and ad hominem attack, that’s a pretty strong indicator you don’t believe you can win a debate based on the facts.

    I do wish the Fish well because I’d like to see Nick Johnson in the playoffs. You’ve got a class act at first base. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching my team win and that I don’t wish for my team to win just as much as you do. Would you really want the competition to roll over and make it easy on you?

    The Nationals are out of the picture this year, except as spoilers. But there are some promising talents who’ll be wearing curly W’s in 2010 and I think in the last week to ten days they’re starting to recognize that themselves.

    So, hotheaded original poster, thanks for playing and I hope you enjoy the lovely parting gifts.

    Oh yeah, and we’ll see you in the division race next season.

  6. NatsLady Says:

    OK, so the Nats beat the fins off ya. It happens. The Yankees waited out a FIVE HOUR rain-delay for it to happen to them. Go ahead and live your pennant-chasing life. We’ll just enjoy not losing.

  7. NatsLady Says:

    And take very good care of our Nick. He’d love a World Series ring. THIS YEAR. Next year is another story…

  8. Section 3, my sofa Says:

    Finished not-last only once–don’t we know it!
    Hey, remind me, who *did* finish last that year?

  9. Section 3, my sofa Says:

    Oh, and speaking of fans–our attendance was really off in the first half. How are things going there, with that? -at? -at? at?

  10. Section 3, my sofa Says:


    “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.” Mt 15:11

  11. I have to say reading your whining post had to be one of the funniest things I’ve read today. The Nats might be the worst team in baseball, but you’ve got to be the biggest LOSER out there.

    If a brick didn’t know how to sit on walls no mo’ … What would you aks it?

    If a dick doesn’t realize his team got their ass kicked by the worst team in baseball … What would you assK it?

    If a LOSER got bitch slapped by a bunch of hopeless Nats fans… What would you ax it?

  12. Section 3, my sofa Says:

    Oh, and I guess I should include the obligatory “Get Well Soon, Nick” with this.

    And take good care of Bonifacio, too. Josh Willingham says hello, and thanks.

  13. Sec 204 Row H Seat 7 Says:

    How sweet it is?!! Contact the NATS? The FISH will be the one’s up for contraction after the new stadium is built and the tema still draws a thousnad (I am feeling generous today, Sweep baby Sweep) per game. And, uh don’t look back that’s the METS gaining on you. See you in Sept. when the FISH are out of the running.

  14. Section 220 Says:

    See, the thing is, telling Nats fans how bad the team is really just makes getting swept by that team all the more embarrassing and humiliating for you. We KNOW we suck, that’s why it’s so funny the Fish couldn’t beat us notwithstanding your “gift from the gods” proclamations. When you fail to make the Wild Card, you’ll look back at this series. I knew my team wasn’t going to the playoffs in April. You just found out. Enjoy that.

  15. S’okay eventually you will get the new expensive Park and your owners will soon get really cheap. What goes around comes around fishy fan man from head-stuck-in sand land.

  16. the marlins have won two world series in their existence and still cant draw flies at that stadium. even in RFK we out drew the fish. i know the stadium down there blows, but it no in the everglades. seems like if the nats fans didnt harrass you, you’d be all by your self, masturblogging. you should enjoy the attention while it lasts.

  17. MountieNatsFan Says:

    The fact is all things come full circle. Baseball was being played in Washington in the 19th century. Skivvies on the beach, coconut trees, and swamp land were in favor in South Florida in the 1800’s.

    I think your anger belies the deep seeded recognition that South Florida is great for our snow bird octogenarian friends, but sports…not so much. One only has to look at you and your two friends in the stands for a Friday night game to see that. And wait ’til you have to wait in traffic to travel south to the keys to the new stadium!!! Hey, at least the hot dogs will be hot (which is one thing you have us beat on).

    Btw, how will the Canes be this year???

  18. Pathetic Says:

    Your anger is amusing.

  19. Say what? Says:

    Wow, I looked back a few posts to see if today’s garbage was typical and unfortunately it is. See if you can come up with some actual adjectives instead of foul language – you might actually say something worth reading.

    The best thing about visiting here is an appreciation for the intelligence and good manners of the posters on the Nats blog.

    And by the way, I know a couple of paraplegics who can whip your ass.

  20. Awwww! That is so sad. Are the Fish no longer contending for the wild card because of some bad luck. That hurts my heart! I can’t believe those low life Washington Nationals swept the up and coming Fish! Wait, Washington has a baseball team….Oh yeah, that’s right, The Montreal Expos moved there because they had that douche bag owner Jeffrey Loria! What a loser that guy was…..I wonder whatever happened to him? Well whatever he’s doing I’m sure karma will have the last word!!!

  21. SilverSpring8 Says:

    We Nats fans know our team is bad. In fact, we’ve joked on our own fanblogs that the Lerner family doesn’t own the Nats, because the Marlins own the Nats. We can laugh about it because we know we won’t even sniff 4th place this year.

    That said, I would like to humbly suggest that your anger and hostility is shortening your own life, not anyone else’s.

  22. Nice rant. Translation:

    “Waaaaahhh! We were @$$-kicked by a lousy team!”

    Lest we forget: “Now, I know what you’re thinking. In Major League Baseball, any team can beat any other team on any given day. Well, that’s horseshit…. So far, this clusterfuck of a franchise has managed to win just 34 games… none of which have come against the Marlins. Zero wins in nine chances….

    “So, take a break from the television this week… forget about baseball for a while. When you come back on Friday, the Fish should have three more wins under their belt…”

    So were you wrong about “Any team can beat…” being horseshit, or are the Nats actually better than you’d care to admit? ‘Cause if the Fish were completely outclassed by a “clusterfuck” team, you’re going to be very unhappy with the three-shutout sweep the Phillies hand you this weekend.

    And don’t forget to suck on it and like it!

  23. Looooooooooosers! Remember this…..At the end of the season Fish Fans….add 3 wins to your record and see if you would have made the playoffs….My thinking is it won’t matter because you’ll collapse after getting bitch slapped by the WASHINGTON NATIONALS….OUCH!! Here comes the free fall. You’ll end up 10 games out of the wild card…easy! Honestly, though, I wouldn’t care one way or the other if it weren’t for some douche who probably takes it in the orange seats!

  24. 1938FratStreet Says:

    I’m a Nats fan living in Miami for the summer. I get a good perspective of both points of view. This post contains the most absurd, single-minded, ineffectual viewpoint I’ve seen in a while. How could a fan of such a perpetually inadequate team feel so much anger toward any other MLB franchise? How could anyone be so simple?

    Getting Nick to hit in front of Hanley was a smart move. Chances are it won’t be enough down the stretch. Good luck.

  25. StrawHatNats Says:

    I’d just like to say that You sound pretty upset about the Marlins getting swept by the worst team in baseball.

    got a little arrogant, a little too soon, eh?

  26. You’re a sore loser, a bitter man, and possibly in need of anger management classes. Contain yourself. Nationals fans haven’t done anything to hurt you. They haven’t run over your dog. They haven’t eaten your last cookie. What’s the beef?

    Also, if you think that Nationals fans don’t know their team sucks, you’re an idiot. Everyone knows the Nationals suck. You just wrote this because for three days, let’s face it: the Marlins sucked harder.

    Eat your humble pie and like it.

  27. StrawHatNats Says:

    They haven’t run over your dog. They haven’t eaten your last cookie. What’s the beef?


    well..ummm..yeah…I may have eaten the last cookie.

    what? don’t look at me like that, I like Oatmeal Raisin.

  28. Obed_Marsh Says:

    Brilliant. Your baseball team humilated itself by being swept by a team with some new players, a new Manager, and the worst record in baseball. How fitting that after your collective shaming you would promptly get on the internet and make a fool of yourself.

    Congratulations. Your humiliation is complete for now. If the season progresses as I expect, when you sit in a near empty stadium and watch the wild card slip away, I will laugh at you and remember how much of an ass some Marlins fans can be.

    See ya Scrappy do.

  29. NatsPeanuts Says:

    Sorry your getting so fumed over a team that wont make the playoffs this year. Seems like your really bitter about losing to a last place team that came back from a 6-0 defecit and kicked your teams ass.

    The Nats have done this before. Remember two years ago when the Nats pretty much single handedly took the Mets out of the playoffs by beating them 6 times? I thought Mets fans were bitter but damn, if every Marlins fans are this bitter, I feel sorry for you guys.

    Oh, and which fan are you at Landshark Stadium? Ill make sure to scope out the 50 fans in attendance to see you crying over another loss.

  30. Wow, what a loser you are! So you make a bit of an ass of yourself with an arrogant prediction. No biggie, we all do that. (Memories of my prediction of a Redskins thrashing of the Rams last NFL season come to mind – btw, does Super Bowl 17 still taste good?)

    What’s astounding is how you subsequently chose to make a far greater ass of yourself after being proven wrong. I went back and looked at those little taunt posts. That’s nothing, pal. Try being a Yankees fan after 2004, or a Mets fan after 2007/2008. You have seriously thin skin.

    Grow a pair and man up.

    I guess no one should be surprised. You’re an Emilio Bonifacio fan (aka one of those drooling morons who thinks speed is more important than the fundamental ability to get on base). HAH. Enjoy that p.o.s. while the Nats have Willinghammer tearing the cover off the ball.

  31. Oh, and nice blog, pin dick. You should be thankful for this little Nats fan invasion, as it’s increased your traffic exponentially. Hmm, I wonder why this blog doesn’t normally get much traffic?

  32. I don’t care what you say you guys sucked this weekend and we beat you man so suck it alright? You can make fun of how bad we are but at the end of the day you guys have less fans in the stands than we have wins, your bullpen has looked terrible this series and you guys really just basically sucked against us. Either way you will end up in front of us in the standings, but we’ll both be at home in October watching 8 other teams play. So why don’t you stop wasting your time dissing the Nats and go watch Dolphins training camp or something.

  33. GrassThrower Says:

    Where did the arrogant optimism go?!?

    My oh my did you get what you deserved or what?!

    Perhaps you should keep trying to offend Nats fans to no avail. Looks like you’re finally getting some traffic in this thing!

  34. Karma Police Says:

    Here is a picture of your empty stadium.


    Oddly, there are more people in that stadium than there are people who bother to read this “little slice of heaven” that you call home.


  35. Karma Police Says:

    Also, that picture of you? Yeah, nice hat. You look like an idiot, fuckstick.

  36. TiminDCDZ Says:

    The Nats are sucking this year, and this is something nobody can deny. But this website is some kind of a joke. In reading your rants and explitive covered musing guised as “humor” and “edginess,” I would suspect that you are a sixteen year old kid who uses this website to use all the words mommy and daddy would sent you to your room for if you said them in their presence.
    I don’t see anyone coming to your defense on this blog either. You have the same amount of support from the community as the team does and Joe Rob…er….Landshark Stadium.
    You may be the better team this year, but you weren’t these last three games.
    PS> mommy is calling you for dinner…

  37. “See you guys in September. And don’t worry, we know where to find you”

    I think we know where to find you more easily than you know where to find us …. you and all 50 of your fellow fans.

  38. 14th & Otis Says:

    I’d much rather root for a piece of shit baseball team like the Nats than actually be a piece of shit myself. Apparently, you feel differently. Enjoy!

  39. Marlins Suck Says:

    good luck catching the phillies now faggot

  40. I do feel for the Senators… grrr i mean The Expos… I mean the Nationals. This particular franchise when you really track it down has been cursed from the very early days. To follow the origins of this team you need a freaking degree in data mining. This team is cursed.. the franchised is cursed. How else can you explain the 1994 Expos? I also feel the baltimore orioles are really hurting you, more than you are hurting them. I mean The baltimore orioles get 300,000 extra fans a year due to the fact they have The Nation and The Empire visit them about 9 times a year. You dont get any breaks… not even the shirts can get printed right….. Screw the curse of the Cubs…. Cubs make a shitload of money…. Nationals cant even make money. BTW the 1994 reunion of the montreal expos can beat the 2009 Nationals.

  41. Chili Davis Says:

    I Agree I with Francis…. BTW you guys remember me right? The Jamaican Sensation!?

  42. How did it feel to get knocked out of the postseason by the worst team in baseball, pencilneck? Maybe you and the 14 other Marlins fans can get together and cry about it.

    BTW your blog sucks.

    BTW I fucked your girlfriend. She said I’m way huger than you.

  43. DeezNats Says:

    Not only are you a sore loser and a homophobe, you ridicule people with mentail disabilities. You’re quite a class act.

  44. Marlins Suck Says:

    yea, your right you guys are the class acts for donating willingham, and olsen, for absolutly no return in blownafacio

  45. BigBoynBroward Says:

    I ain’t gonna lie………this shit is funny lol!

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