Archive for July, 2009

In A Few Hours, We’ll Know If Mr. Khan Was Full of Shit

Posted in Atlanta Braves, Florida Marlins, Manny In Miami, Recaps, Trade Deadline on July 31, 2009 by Adam Smoot


The Marlins returned to mere mortal status last night, with a loss to the Braves in extras, but all eyes are on the trade deadline, which comes to a close somewhere around dinner time at the old age home.

Will the Marlins be buyers? Sellers? Is Cody Ross going to the Yankees? Will Adrian Gonzalez wind up coming back with the team that drafted him? Could the Marlins generate enough Halladay buzz in the final moments to make us create another t-shirt that will be useless by the end of the day?

Check the Twitter page, as we’ll try to keep you posted there.

Happy Trade Deadline Day

Ask and El Cool JJ Shall Deliver

Posted in Atlanta Braves, El Cool JJ, Florida Marlins, Josh Johnson, Recaps on July 30, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Braves Marlins Baseball

On Wednesday, I asked for the head of Kenshin Kawakami.

On Thursday night, the Marlins delivered it on a silver platter, with an apple stuffed in its mouth and surrounded by leafy vegetables.

El Cool JJ allowed three runs over six innings, but he did more damage with his bat than his throwing arm. With the Fish up 1-0 in the 4th, Josh Johnson slapped a fastball over the center field wall for a three-run homer, a 4-0 lead and a swift kick right to the nuts of the Atlanta Braves.

Next up, Javier Vasquez. And I don’t think I need to tell you what I wish for…

Cody Ross in Pinstripes? (Well, Different Pinstripes, Anyway)

Posted in Cody Ross, Florida Marlins, New York Yankees, Ridiculous Unfounded Rumors, Trades on July 29, 2009 by Adam Smoot


That’s what one Bleacher Report scribe says.

According to Aroob Khan, who overheard a phone conversation between someone who could possibly have been Yankees GM, Brian Cashman and someone who could possibly have been Marlins GM, Michael Hill.

The conversation was about a possible trade that the Yankees might be pulling off within the next 24 hrs.

The trade involved the Yankees sendng Colin Curtis and Anthony Claggett to the Marlins for outfielder Cody Ross.

Of course, blogs are typically the birthplace of unfounded rumors, so this supposed trade could wind up being a truck load of horse shit. But after hearing someone break the Shaq/Shawn Marion trade through a random email to a local radio station, I’m willing to throw this one out there and say it’s a distinct possibility.

So, you know, if/when Cody Ross winds up being shipped to New York, score one for the blogs!

Breaking Out the Homer Hat

Posted in Atlanta Braves, Feet Taste Good, Florida Marlins, My Big Mouth, Recaps, The Homer Hat on July 29, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Braves Marlins Baseball

Just when Leo Nunez seemed to have blown the game, Ross Gload stepped to the plate, in the bottom of the ninth and jacked the game winning home run to right center field, giving the Marlins the much-needed win. (YAY!) And also giving Nunez the win. (YAY!) Except, he’s a closer, so that’s bad. (BOOO!)

Since my Debbie Downer moment a few days ago, the Marlins are 3-1 (6-1 in their last seven games.) They’ve swept a shitty Padres squad, taken two out of three from a first place Dodgers team and stole game one from a Braves team who happens to also be fighting for the wild card. It would seem as though my foot is firmly planted in my mouth, right now.

Do I think this will hold up? Not at all.

Is it fun to watch, though? Abso-friggin-lutely. And let me just say that I hope to God that I’m wrong about this team. There’s nothing I want to see more than the Marlins make a legitimate playoff push, but man, is it hard to believe that that’s possible. Not with people named Ross Gload driving in winning runs.

Fuck it, though. From here on out, I’m putting on my homer hat. I’m usually the rational sports fan who doesn’t let his emotions cloud his judgement, but really, where’s the fun in that? As of right now, I’m putting on my blinders, tucking away all skepticism and morphing into the biggest fucking homer you’ve ever seen.

Now bring me the head of Kenshin Kawakami!

Got Any Plans For October?

Posted in Another Season Comes To An Early Close, Bandwagon, Florida Marlins on July 23, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Marlins Padres Baseball

I think it’s safe to assume that we’ve all, collectively, come to the realization that we can make plans for October and not worry about missing any Marlins festivities.

The Phillies, who underachieved to a mediocre record the first half of the season, have officially begun pimp slapping teams on their way to reclaiming the title of National League’s Most Badass Mother Fuckers. Now, the Marlins sit more than a handful of games back in the division, flirting harmlessly with second place and a nice, quiet offseason. Such is life for a team loaded with Gloads, Bakers and Carrolls.

If you still have hope, it’s, no doubt, because of the Marlins sweep of the Padres this week. But, did you forget about the weekend series against the reigning World Champs?

In fact, in their last eight series, the Marlins have proven two things; that they’ll beat the bad teams (Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, San Diego) and lose to the good teams (Tampa, San Fran, Philly). Sometimes, they can’t even beat the bad ones (Arizona).

Now take a look at their upcoming schedule and tell me how you think it’ll play out. In the next month and a half, the Marlins will get to take on the Dodgers, Braves (three times), Cubs, Nats, Phillies, Astros (twice), Rockies, Mets and Padres. Of those teams, only the Padres and Nationals are legitimately out of the playoff hunt. That means 10 of the next 12 series are against teams the Marlins will probably struggle to beat.

Yea, that should be fun.

I know, I know. I’m the guy at the party who reminds you that there’s school tomorrow. I’m the jackass who sees Megan Fox and says, “Yea, but without make-up, she’d just be another girl at the bar.” I’m also a realist. So yea, sorry if I’m spoiling your blind loyalty and unreasonable hope, but this team probably isn’t going to do much down the stretch.

Now it’s time to focus on the trade deadline and see what some of our youngsters can do.

Which is cool, because football season is starting soon anyway, and we all know I suck at multitasking.

The Odd Things One Finds on eBay…

Posted in eBay, Florida Marlins, It's My Jeff In A Box!, Jeff Conine on July 17, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Hey you! Yea, you sitting right over there looking at porn.

Have you gotten your girlfriend a birthday gift yet? No? You know it’s coming up soon, right? I mean, shit, it’s only a week away. And you have been dating for like 6 years, so you really need to get something nice.

No idea what you’re gonna get her? Lemme help ya out.

Not gonna get her a house in the hills.
A girl like her needs something real.
Wanna get her something from the heart? (Something special?)


…It’s my Jeff in a Box!

(No, really. Hurry up. This bad boy is gonna be gone in a few hours.)

Jorge Cantu Singles In The Fifth! (That’s All For The Good News)

Posted in Florida Marlins, Jamie Moyer Is My Grandpa, Philadelphia Phillies, Recaps on July 17, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Phillies Marlins Baseball

If someone would politely tap the Marlins on the shoulder and remind them that the break is over, it’d be greatly appreciated.

Apparently, the only person who remembered to come back from the All Star break was Jorge Cantu, who managed the only Marlins hit in the team’s  4-0 loss to the Phillies Thursday night.

This probably wasn’t what the Marlins had in mind for the start of the second half of the season. The Phillies would be the one team the Fish aren’t allowed to lose to if they want to make the playoffs. But, then again, it is Jamie Moyer, and it’s not like they’ve ever figured him out.