Archive for May, 2009

Dont… Want… To… Jinx… It…

Posted in Florida Marlins, Moving on May 28, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Not to jinx anything, but it looks like the Marlins are putting together something of a turnaround. Three wins in their last four games, two of those against the defending World Series champs and I haven’t been able to watch any of it, because I’ve had no TV for the last week.

Maybe that’s what this team needed–me not watching. Well, shit, if that helps, just wait a few more days till I’m without internet for a while. They should finish the next few series 7-0. Whatever works, I suppose.

Anyway, this will most likely be my final post until after the move and subsequent apartment setup. Let’s hope that by the time I get back, the Marlins whoop up on the Mets, smack around the Brewers and are bumping uglies with the division lead.

Peace out homeys. See ya in a week or so.

The Positives

Posted in Florida Marlins, Power Rankings, Recaps, Ross Gload, Tampa Bay Rays on May 25, 2009 by Adam Smoot


  • The Marlins managed to steal a game from Tampa in the Citrus Series Underachiever Series Old-People-Move-Here-To-Die Series.
  • We found out that Ross Gload has mastered the art of self-deprecating humor, with this quote about his game-winning single in the 11th:
    • “You’re just trying to hit the ball hard. If I could control where the ball went, I would be a lot better than I am.”
  • According to the Power Rankings, there are still nine teams in worse shape than the Fish. (Take that, Washington!)

Jim Leyritz May Not Make For A Convincing Victim, But, Well, He Kinda Does…

Posted in Dan Le Batard, Jim Leyritz, Miami Herald, Oops... Was That A Speedbump? on May 24, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Jim Leyritz didn’t play for the Marlins, but he’s worked in Miami, I’ve met him before and the article is written by Dan Le Batard, who’s basically been the voice of South Florida sports for as long as I’ve been paying attention… so those are the dots I’m loosely connecting to use the Bright Orange Seats forum to discuss this. Deal with it.

Bring on the outrage.

Bring on the hate mail.

In his first column back from sabatacle, Dan Le Batard writes a touching piece on the struggles of being Jim Leyritz…

…and I’m totally with him on it. (Though, his editor seems to have really dropped the ball on the title.)

There wasn’t just one life lost in a blink at that intersection in the darkness. Leyritz lost his good name, his livelihood, his identity and his peace on Dec. 28 of 2007 as well, his bejeweled world coming apart in an explosion of fragments as soon as those two cars collided in the night. His freedom could be the next thing to go. Just this Thursday morning, Leyritz’s trial for DUI and vehicular manslaughter was set for September, and now the former New York Yankee and father of three is trying hard to explain the tortured tangle of emotions that sometimes keep him from quiet sleep. Shame. Grief. Fear. They’re all here.

And, of course, the comments section of the article takes a decidedly ugly path, right off the bat.

I thought The Herald was making essential cuts. We could have lived without this hack, and I couldn’t give a crap about the topic either. Leyritz is a thug and LeBatard is an apologist punk. Go back and find yourself, Danny Boy. You are a lame piece of drecch.

It’s so easy to judge when you have no connection to a situation. Clearly, Leyritz is a thug. He got behind the wheel of a two-ton vehicle, while his judgement was impaired. That’s something none of us have ever done, isn’t it? Never left the bar before we’ve completely sobered up? Never drove home at four in the morning, exhausted, struggling to keep our eyes open, while the white lines of the highway did their best to casually lull us to sleep? It’s a fucking joke, because we’ve all done it. The only difference is that some of us were lucky enough to make it home without causing any harm. Leyritz wasn’t.

Attach yourself to the situation, though. Make it your best friend who’s life has been turned upside down by a brief lapse in judgement. You’ll start to realize that one life wasn’t all that was lost that night.

But this is Jim Leyritz, and you don’t know him, so it doesn’t matter. He should rot in hell.

Truthfully, I’m not arguing that he shouldn’t. He made a terrible mistake and now he’s living with the reprecussions. It’s hard to argue that it isn’t deserved. But, it’s also hard to argue that being Jim Leyritz, right now, isn’t horrible; that you wouldn’t be drowning in the same pool of misery that he is.

Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t think of Jim Leyritz as a dispicable person who deserves everything he’s getting at this point. All that’s being suggested is that there were two victims that night. And you’re allowed to feel bad for both.

Chairities turn back on former baseball star Jim Leyritz [Miami Herald]

If Ever There Were A More Perfect Picture To Sum The Month of May…

Posted in Florida Marlins, New & Creative Ways to Suck, Take My Bullpen... Please on May 24, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Rays Marlins Baseball

Plays like that lead to months like this…

Solving Steroids with Dennis Bunnicelli

Posted in Dennis Bunnicelli, Steroids on May 22, 2009 by Adam Smoot

Right now, if the Marlins were an NFL wide receiver, they’d have 0 receptions. Clearly they can get both feet on the ground, but in the last month or so, they haven’t made anything, even closely resembling, a baseball-related move. Honestly, it’s depressing. Which is why, this Friday, instead of talking about what kind of suck the Fish are working with, we’ll instead discuss a different tired subject: steroids.

My stance on roids is pretty clear. Do them. Do lots of them. Fans in Boston don’t pay good money to watch David Ortiz bat .211 with a single homer. Feel free to start your cycle again, Big Papi

But, there’s a man who’s figured out how to solve this thing. And that man is Dennis Bunnicelli. Usually, Dennis makes his appearance over on Apt 718, but today, I thought I’d bring the joy to this site. So, Dennis, how do you propose we take care of this steroid business?

Well, he’s got a point. These medical people do study medicine.

Watch your back, Bud. I have a feeling Dennis might be coming for your commisioners seat.

Well This Season Is Going Well…

Posted in Bored To Tears, Florida Marlins on May 20, 2009 by Adam Smoot


All my life, I’ve been against the use of drugs. Alcohol is a good enough way to screw up your life; why would one need to use something any more potent?

Fuck it, though. I’ve changed my mind.

If anyone in South Florida were to turn to marijuana, heroin or coke to get them through a Marlins game, at this point, I’d be totally cool with it.

What the hell is going on with this team? Can’t hit. Can’t pitch. Can’t win. Can’t hold my attention, even when I’m sober, at a bar where 99 out of 100 TVs are showing the game. I’m there watching golf on the tiny black and white television in the corner.

And Jesus, if you’re gonna lose, at least make it entertaining. Give up 17 runs. Get kicked in the nuts in the 13th inning. This mind-numbing, “give-up-five-runs-early-then-bore-you-to-sleep” style of baseball has drained every ounce of creative writing from my body.

I refuse to write about players being called up or sent down and it’s an unbelievable waste of time sitting here and jotting recaps for games that have absolutely no redeeming qualities. When the most entertaining news item to come out of your clubhouse over the last month is about a sniveling jackass holding a home run ball ransom, it’s a pretty obvious sign that nothing remotely interesting is happening. (By the way, I still don’t know how I feel about that douche. More to come later… like way after it’s no longer being talked about. Because, if there’s anything you’ve learned about me since last year, it’s that I apparently have a crippling fear of talking about shit when it’s actually topical.)
Of course, this painfully boring stretch of the season couldn’t have come at a better time, as I’m moving and will be without cable for, at least, the next few weeks. By May 2nd, though, this team better have its shit together.

It’s Time for the Wet T-Shirt Contest!

Posted in Andrew Miller, Contests, Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, Jorge Cantu, Marlins Die-Hards, Ricky Nolasco, Tommy Hutton, Trades on May 18, 2009 by Adam Smoot


Ok, maybe it’s not that kind of contest…

So, the fine folks over at Marlins Die-Hards have put together a contest. From what I understand, the winner gets beer, which was more than enough motivation for Bright Orange Seats to enter. The contest rules, as described on their site:

  • Each competitor will pick five Marlins (all players in organization are eligible, including minor-leaguers) who they feel will be traded before the July 31st deadline.
  • The competitor will rank those five players, one to five, in order of most likely to least likely to get traded.
  • Points will be awarded based on where the player is in each competitor’s list. Number one selections will get five points, number twos get four and so on down to number five selections receiving one point.
  • Whoever has the most points wins.

Sounds easy enough. Here are the Bright Orange Seats selections, along with a logical explanation for each…

1. Hanley Ramirez. What Marlins fans lack in loyalty and a willingness to sit in the rain, we more than make up for in absolute pessimism & distrust. Hanley just signed a long term deal last year, the team has, just recently, found a home for the future and everything in the baseball world seems to be coming together for once in South Florida. This can only mean one thing: something bad is about to happen. So, yea. Parents, take your kids to see the best shortstop in the game, before he’s traded to the Yankees.

2a/2b. Dan Uggla/Ricky Nolasco. Rumor has it the Marlins are going to trade Uggla and Nolasco to Christopher Lloyd, for the DeLorean and 3 flux capacitors, which they will then use to bring back the 2008 versions of Uggla and Nolasco.

3. Tommy Hutton. A three-way trade with the Panthers and Dolphins that’ll see Hutton pair with Jimmy Cefalo for Dolphins games, Joe Rose head to the BankAtlantic Center for Panthers broadcasts and Randy Moller come to the Marlins booth to shout random movie lines over Craig Minervini’s incesant babbling.

4. Jorge Cantu. The dude is on his second year swinging a hot stick and he’s got the best soul patch in the game. Also, someone recently purchased one of my Cannot? Cantu shirts, and I’m convinced it was Billy Beane.

5. Andrew Miller. Someone has to have some faith left in this man. The bad news is that none of those people are in baseball. The good news is that there’s a chance we can trade him to the NBA for the decaying corpse of Antoine Walker.

Those are my picks. I’ll take my payment in the form of a 4-pack of Steele Reserve.