Archive for August, 2008

McCown to Panthers

Posted in Uncategorized on August 30, 2008 by Adam Smoot

John Beck’s career is safe, if only for another year.

Earlier today, Josh McCown was dealt to the Carolina Panthers for an undisclosed draft pick.

Oh, What It Must Feel Like To Be The Most Hated Man In Florida

Posted in Florida Marlins, Gregg Saves, New York Mets, Recaps with tags , , , on August 30, 2008 by Adam Smoot

It’s time.

Pitchforks and flaming torches are perfectly acceptable at this point. Not that we’re advocating the Beauty & the Beast-like hunt-down of an ordinary human being, but if you were to go that route, you know, we’d understand.

Kevin Gregg, oh ye of the suck, has done it again. With 2 outs and a 2-1 lead in the top of the ninth, he allowed 2 singles, hit a batter and then, with the bases loaded, served up a Carlos Beltran grand slam. But he totally got Fernando Tatis to fly out after that, so don’t you worry.

Down 5-2, in the bottom of the ninth, the Fish battled back to put 2 more runs on the board, but the suck that Kevin Gregg produced a half inning earlier was too much to overcome.

Lost in the epic failure that has become the Marlins bullpen, was a dominating performance by Chris Volstad. His 6.1 innings, allowing just 5 hits and a run, kept Florida ahead by a run in a starting pitchers duel. Also lost in this game, was the sanity of the 13 12 Marlins fans left in South Florida.

Once again, we aren’t saying we condone the practice of lighting a stick on fire and hurling it through someone’s window. We’re just saying that we may or may not have some extra lighter fluid lying around.

AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee

Fantasy Report: The Magic Of Devante-Zahirmond Heskimardhall

Posted in Dan Carpenter, Devante-Zahirmond Heskimardhall, Fantasy Football, Miami Dolphins, The Ginn Family with tags , , , on August 29, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Football season is less than 10 days away, and as our friend in Alabama used to say, “Git excited!”

Actually, don’t get too excited. We’re entering the most annoying part of the football season. It’s the last week of the preseason, meaning teams have pretty much figured out their rosters by now, named their starters, and are basically doing everything in their powers to not get anybody hurt this weekend. That means that, although there are football games this weekend, they will only serve as a means to prevent you from getting what you want for another week or so. Why must the football gods be so cruel?

Well, we’re gonna go ahead and save the day. While no real football seems to matter this week, there is a certain football that might matter to some of us a lot more than it probably should. That football, my friend, comes in fantasy form. Our draft is Saturday, so all week, we’ll be breaking down the possible Miami Dolphins selections; whom to take and when to take ‘em.

After the jump: Defense and kickers. Yawn.

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Yea, But Does She Know What Play To Run On 3rd And Goal?

Posted in Bill Belichick, Election Time, Sarah Palin with tags , , , , on August 29, 2008 by Adam Smoot

I’m not entirely sure I can trust my government in the hands of someone who, so closely, resembles the devil…

McCain’s surprise VP pick is little-known woman governor

Remembering Cam

Posted in Cam Cameron, Miami Dolphins, Preseason with tags , , , on August 28, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Tonight, the Dolphins and Saints will take the field in the Superdome to close out their respective ’08 preseason schedules. Three hundred and sixty-seven days ago, the same two teams met in the same place to end the ’07 preseason.

Why is this important? Because it allows us to time travel back to one of the greatest, most ridiculous moments, well, ever.

Remember Cam Cameron? The lovable, huggable, crying coach of the ’07 Dolphins? The man who urged you to get those thumbs turned *this* way? (Most likely to properly insert them directly into your asshole while you watched helplessly as your favorite team’s season went up in flames.) Well, sometime between drafting a kick returner, pathetically weeping over a former co-worker, and ruining a once-proud franchise, he made the most awesome decision in the history of the NFL: he opted to not coach the final preseason game against the Saints.

Seems like a pretty forgettable event, given all the monumentally stupid decisions during his brief tenure, right? Well, how about his reasoning then?

That wasn’t the only oddity of the evening, as Miami’s Head Coach, Cam Cameron, decided to turn over the head coaching duties to former Carolina Panthers and Houston Texans Head Coach Dom Capers. Cameron, who still on the sideline, took the opportunity to see how his coaching staff would function in the event that he would be unable to attend a game.

So that we’re clear on this, ladies and gentlemen, the head coach of a professional football team ran a fucking fire drill!

In the event that he wouldn’t be able to attend a game? Um. What? Like if he happened to come down with a bad case of the shits just before kickoff? How the hell did this guy wind up coaching this NFL team? Any NFL team? A team of crippled midgets?

There was good news to come out of that decision, though. It’s one year later and now we can see how this coaching staff functions without him on the sideline.

Oh, that’s not what he meant?

Well That’s One Way To Keep The Bullpen From Blowing Games

Posted in Atlanta Braves, Florida Marlins, Josh Johnson, Recaps with tags , , , , on August 28, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Before this month, the Marlins had gone roughly 2 full calendar years without pitching a complete game; a major league record.

They now have two in the last 9 days.

Josh Johnson took the mound last night, and after what he saw on Tuesday, was determined to take things into his own hands. And he did, manhandling the Braves to the tune of 4 hits, 1 run and 8 strikeouts over the entire 9 innings. Don’t look now, but the Marlins are 7-2 in games Johnson has pitched, his personal record moving to 4-0 on the season. Any way he can pitch every night?

On the offensive side of the ball, it was Hanley Ramirez driving in 2 runs in the top of the fifth and Caveman Uggla homering in the ninth to give the Fish some breathing room in a 4-1 Marlins win.

The funny thing about Wednesday night was that the NL East completely dispelled the notion of this thing called momentum. Both the Marlins and Mets lost gut-punch games on Tuesday night, and surely their opponents would ride that momentum to victory the following night, yes? No.

Former skipper of the Marlins, Jim Leyland subscribes to the notion that, “momentum is as good as your next day’s pitcher.” And he’s right. The Marlins went into the next game with Josh Johnson. The Mets went with Johan Santana. Both won.

Momentum? You can have it. I’ll take the pitcher with the 2.58 ERA on the road.

If You’re Gonna Draft Tom Brady It Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White

Posted in Al Sharpton Is Gonna Be Pissed, Fantasy Football, Screamin' Stephen A. with tags , , on August 28, 2008 by Adam Smoot

Here’s an interesting piece from ESPN.com, looking into why the vast majority of people who play fantasy football are pasty white dudes. Of course, ESPN would go and kill a topic with that much potential by giving it to Screamin’ Stephen A.

But honestly, I’m not surprised to learn that so few blacks are among the 30 million people who participate in fantasy sports. I’ve always thought that a lot of these guys (and 96% of them are guys) are nerds desperately in need of more sociable leisure-time activities. Leisure time for black folks historically consists of direct interaction, the kind of experience you get at a family barbecue or hanging out with friends. Sitting in front of a computer screen pretending to be Bill Parcells? Sounds like work to me.

Wow. Barbecues? Anti-work sentiment?

Stephen A. Smith: Setting black America back 100 years in 500 words or less.